h.u.m.o.r.

Southwest Airlines Extends 'Unassigned Seat' Policy To 'Unassigned Flight' Policy

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 01 Jun 2012 17:35:00 +0000

TEXAS—Most know of Southwest Airlines' "Grab Any Available Seat" policy, but today an official for the company announced its "Grab Any Available Flight" policy. "We now only sell tickets for 'Some Flight'. Passengers just have to hope when they get to the airport that a flight will be available to their intended destination; if not, they simply pick a new one." Said Myra and John Bilson, "We showed up to go to Aruba, but the only flight available was to Boise. Oh well, off we went!"

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 25 May 2012 14:39:00 +0000

A real study says those with alcoholic parents are more likely to prefer sweets. Unsurprising. Nothing makes up for beatings by your Scotched-up father, or your drunken mother being passed out for half your childhood, like an extra cookie.

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Thu, 17 May 2012 18:40:00 +0000

There are two kinds of studies. The kind that produce results I agree with, and the kind whose methods are flawed.

Study Finds It Pretty Darned Ironic That Many Who Think Gays Shouldn't Marry Don’t Realize They're Married To One

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 11 May 2012 12:25:00 +0000

Drug Proven To Bring The Dead Back To Life Nixed By FDA Because It May Raise Blood Pressure

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Tue, 08 May 2012 22:31:00 +0000

Said a spokesperson, "We need another ten years to make sure the side effects aren't gosh-darned annoying."

Man Turns Down Invitation Saying He Doesn't Even Have Time To Get Together With The People He Likes

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Sat, 05 May 2012 00:19:00 +0000

Nature Calling Again, But May Stop Because Of What People Keep Answering It With

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 17:00:00 +0000

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE TRACK:

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 18:42:00 +0000

Racing Thoughts Jockeying Neck-And-Neck As
" I Think I Left The Stove On "
And
" Could This Idiot Drive Any Slower "
Fall Behind
" 'It's Not You, It's Me,' My Ass "

Man Finally Learns To Take All He Reads On Internet With Planet Of Salt

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:56:00 +0000

ATLANTA—"Sure, I started with a grain of salt like everyone else," said Carl Russell. "But I quickly needed a bowling ball. Next think you know, we're talking bigger than the Times Square New Years Eve ball. Which worked for a few years until I had to upgrade to moon-size. And now I'm at a full planet of salt, no lie. How much salt would it take to fill several universes? Almost there."

Cute Little Delaware To Go Ahead And Vote In Primary Like It Makes A Difference

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 23:56:00 +0000

DELAWARE—Aw, it's really adorable when you think about it – such a petite state holding a primary election, just to feel grown-up and all. Newark will host a play group to talk about the "results." So cute.

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 20 Apr 2012 17:15:00 +0000

CANTON, OH—Dinner party hostess Claire Myers reports that the first guest to arrive, a gluten-free organic raw macrobiotic low-glycemic vegan, showed up with a stunning flower arrangement for the table. "It was such a thoughtful gift!" said Myers. "Even if later it became quite clear she only brought it so she would have something to eat."

In Memoriam, Tonight's $100,000 Pyramid Episode To Feature Category "Things Dick Clark Did Today"

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 22:06:00 +0000

Sand Castle Reflects On Hours Well Lived Before Arrival Of Four-Inch Tsunami

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 21:00:00 +0000

Area Man Wakened Again By Area Songbirds Not Really In Area Mood For It Anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:57:00 +0000

“Five a.m. every day!” said the ex-sleeper. “Give me an area break.”

(Nine entries with dates posted on Facebook.)

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 20:51:00 +0000

3-11-12

'Worst Morning Ever' Reports Death Row Inmate Who Set Alarm For One Hour Before His Execution But Forgot About Daylight Savings

3-13-12

God Finally Gets Earth Cam Fixed, Damn It

3-16-12

Every Day Woman Insists Something She Can't Find Is Lost Forev...Oh Wait Here It Is

3-17-12

Kermit The Frog Says Somewhat Easier Being Green Today

3-19-12

Pinterest.Com Getting Many More Hits On Sister Site 'Plackofinterest'

www.pinterest.com

3-20-12

Spring's 70 Degree Temperatures Welcome Relief From Winter's 70 Degree Temperatures

4-6-12

In Solemn Speech, Former President George W. Bush Remembers The Crucificationing of Christ

4-8-12

Jesus: 'Staying Dead Would Have Been Much Less Hassle'

JERUSALEM—The Lord (and Savior) said today that God's gift of everlasting life has been cool and all, but also "kind of a long haul. How long is this resurrection thing good for, anybody know?"

4-10-12

Couple Never Goes To Sleep Angry Unless Husband More Wrong Than Usual

—DOVER—"Sometimes I've screwed up so badly that my wife, saint that she is, can't forgive me at first," said Paul Harper. "Thank goodness she loves me despite how wrong I always am. That woman is so wonderful – and so right! Every time. Even if I'm partially right, she's always even more right. It was in our wedding vows; I pledged to forever admit my inherent wrongness, while praising her instinctual rightness. Most people have towels that say 'His' and 'Hers'; ours say 'Right' and 'Wrong'. It's great to always know beyond a shadow of a doubt who's right and who's wrong. No guessing: She's right, I'm wrong." Harper finished by pointing out that since he's always wrong about everything, it follows that he's also wrong about this – which makes his wife the one that's always wrong. He plans not to forgive her before they go to sleep tonight.

Authorities Catch Sugar Addict Smuggling Twenty Kilos Of Kit Kats Across Border

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 09 Mar 2012 12:59:00 +0000

"We've been trying to nail this dealer for years. She's connected with at least two drownings in a fondue fountain."

Area Bird Says He's Always Felt Like Big Owl Trapped In Little Owl's Body

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 13:24:00 +0000

Doctors Say Nation Should Undergo Life-Saving #Santorumectomy

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 12:56:00 +0000

'Holly's Headlines' One-Year Anniversary Brings Flood Of Awards, Says Holly's Headlines

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 14:19:00 +0000

—-—-"I'm so touched!" said this page's writer, founder, and dictator. "Trophies. Medals. Cash prizes. Congratulatory phone calls. All honoring that my first post went up one year ago today." The acclaim has been staggering, she went on to dream.

Man Unaware Last 20 Sudoku Puzzles He Solved Were Exactly The Same

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 16:11:00 +0000

It's Birthday Time For Dr. Seuss, So This Should End With 'Goose' Or 'Moose'

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 15:26:00 +0000

With critters, Seuss rhymed fast and loose. He'd even rhyme a puce mongoose! He'd rhyme from head down to caboose. If this keeps up, I'll need a noose.

60th Birthday Party Rocks On With Metamucil Shots Until Almost 9 PM

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 12:59:00 +0000

"Neighbors were ready to call the home care nurses on us."

Letter 'H' In 'John' Frankly Just Tired Of Not Making A Difference

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 15:29:00 +0000

"Sure, other letters are silent, and I'm silent in other words. Alphabet Rights Awareness has to start somewhere."

Man Born February 29th Turns 28 – BUT HE'S REALLY ONLY 7, LOL!

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 13:41:00 +0000

—WEST CHESTER—"Oh I get it now," said Fran Mays, when friends joked he was only 7. "That must be 28 divided by 4. Gee, how clever. I never heard that before."

Criminal Sentenced To Year Of Stirring Oil Back Into Separated Peanut Butter

noreply@blogger.com (Holly Love) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 15:32:00 +0000

"I begged to be experimented on with painful drugs instead," said convicted felon Joe Primo. "Every day, 20 jars. After 10 minutes I'm covered in it and my right arm is killing me." Primo hopes for either early parole or a rotary drill.