Saturday, February 23, 2013

Friday, February 22, 2013

Dollar Bill Dating Euro

—"My parents hate it," said the bill. "They want me to marry another American because their own diversity did them in. My mother's a 50, my father's a 20. They never stop fighting about money."

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Teen Finds New Meaning In Life After Near Breast Experience

—"I almost touched it and the clouds opened up," reported the boy. "I felt myself flying into brilliant light, and warmth flooded me all over. Well, in some parts more than others."

Friday, February 15, 2013

Earth-Hating Aliens Launch Test Missile Disguised As Asteroid

With endless uses for drones like taking photos, meds transport, weather tracking and more, the U.S. must be pretty proud it was the first to say "Hey let's Use them to kill people!"

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Pope Gives Up Being Pope For Lent

—Citing his health, "a bad 401K plan," "nobody ever cleaning up in the lunchroom," and how it really is such an indulgence to speak for God, Pope Benedict timed his Lenten resignation just right. "Also," he added, "I finally met a nice guy."

Thursday, February 7, 2013

To 'No-More-Saturday Delivery', Postal Service Adds:

'Forget Rainy Days, Too'
'Not If It's The Carrier's Birthday' 
'Mean Dog Owners Are S.O.L.'
'Ugly Mailboxes Get Skipped'
'Send It By E-Mail, You Jerk'