Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Congress Passes Tax On Oxygen

—"The free ride on breathing is over," said Senator Harry Reid. "We'll also need to tax swallowing, falling in love, and baby farts. Report these on your income tax forms, along with how many times you use gravity per day."

Reid continued. "How many words did you speak last year? Tax will be about twelve cents each." IRS codes for this are especially complicated. Multi-syllabic words will have an exponential tax debt related to the GPS coordinates of the birthplace of the speaker's favorite second cousin.

Opponents fear that nothing will remain free. "That's not true," said Reid. "We'll also tax nothing. If you have a lot of it, prepare to pay up."