Monday, April 16, 2012

(Nine entries with dates posted on Facebook.)

'Worst Morning Ever' Reports Death Row Inmate Who Set Alarm For One Hour Before His Execution But Forgot About Daylight Savings
God Finally Gets Earth Cam Fixed, Damn It
Every Day Woman Insists Something She Can't Find Is Lost Forev...Oh Wait Here It Is
Kermit The Frog Says Somewhat Easier Being Green Today
Pinterest.Com Getting Many More Hits On Sister Site 'Plackofinterest'
Spring's 70 Degree Temperatures Welcome Relief From Winter's 70 Degree Temperatures
In Solemn Speech, Former President George W. Bush Remembers The Crucificationing of Christ
Jesus: 'Staying Dead Would Have Been Much Less Hassle'
JERUSALEM—The Lord (and Savior) said today that God's gift of everlasting life has been cool and all, but also "kind of a long haul. How long is this resurrection thing good for, anybody know?"
Couple Never Goes To Sleep Angry Unless Husband More Wrong Than Usual
—DOVER—"Sometimes I've screwed up so badly that my wife, saint that she is, can't forgive me at first," said Paul Harper. "Thank goodness she loves me despite how wrong I always am. That woman is so wonderful – and so right! Every time. Even if I'm partially right, she's always even more right. It was in our wedding vows; I pledged to forever admit my inherent wrongness, while praising her instinctual rightness. Most people have towels that say 'His' and 'Hers'; ours say 'Right' and 'Wrong'. It's great to always know beyond a shadow of a doubt who's right and who's wrong. No guessing: She's right, I'm wrong." Harper finished by pointing out that since he's always wrong about everything, it follows that he's also wrong about this – which makes his wife the one that's always wrong. He plans not to forgive her before they go to sleep tonight.