—Users now praise the "poke" as Facebook's most life-changing, useful feature. Posting and reading posts were called stupid, while poking and being poked were seen as deeply meaningful and transforming. "I'll never forget my first poke," said one woman, weeping. "It was from my husband. That's when I knew he was finally serious about our relationship." Another man said instead of writing a thank you note to a company he interviewed with, he simply poked the CEO on Facebook – and boom, he got the job. (In the mailroom.)
Young and old alike agreed, "I base my self-worth on the number of pokes I get. When they stop coming, that's when I know I'm not doing enough, not contributing to society, and it's time to make changes." Some suggested that the next president of the United States should be determined by the number of pokes the candidates receive to their Facebook accounts. They say that poking is the new voting, the new measure of all that is necessary to end our conflict and restore our peace. Think about it, America. The Poke is The Way.