Holly's Top Ten Driveway Snow Removal Options
1. Just pick up the driveway and TILT. Duh.
2. Call your neighbor and see if you can borrow a cup of self-immolating monks. Place on driveway to melt snow.
3. Borrow a dog like ours who likes to eat snow. We just sent him outside a bit earlier than usual today.
4. Cover the driveway with a tarp before it starts snowing. After storm, simply move tarp.
5. Boil a LOT of water.
6. Hire a few neighborhood kids to shovel. When they're done, say, "Pay you to shovel WHAT snow on the driveway? I don't see any snow on the driveway."
7. Ship driveway to Florida. Allow snow to melt. Ship back.
8. Close your eyes and visualize a snow-free driveway. Open eyes every week to check progress.
9. Sell snow cones, 100 for a dollar. (Depending on size of driveway, may require 14,000 cones.)
10. Shovel for hours, or use a snow blower. By the time you get out of the hospital or the blower gets out of the shop, it'll be spring.