Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Renovated Dog Heaven Now Built Entirely Of Those Peanut Butter Cheese Crackers


—"The walls, beds, squirrels, everything," said the janitor, who is made of those peanut butter cheese crackers. Even the leader is made of those peanut butter cheese crackers. "Some call him 'God', some 'Dog'," said a resident. "But we all call him delicious!" 

"You should see the 'All-You-Can-Lick' peanut butter cheese cracker mountain," said one mutt. "Its trees are made of those peanut butter cheese crackers, and it has peanut butter cheese creeks. Even when the birds there do their 'business', it's made of those peanut butter cheese crackers!"

"When I first got there," said Max, a recent entrant, "I thought, 'come on – there has to be something here NOT made of those peanut butter cheese crackers. I mean, the AIR isn't made out of those peanut butter cheese crackers.' Then I realized, hey wait, the air IS made out of those peanut butter cheese crackers! In Dog Heaven, you breathe those peanut butter cheese crackers instead of oxygen." 

God, or Dog, says She's been renovating for years. "It just didn't seem right for dogs to arrive here, only to have to live among things that weren't made of those peanut butter cheese crackers. Interestingly, we've had some human applicants try to check in, saying a peanut butter cheese crackers heaven is also the only kind they're interested in."

Dogs still on earth have caught wind of the new peanut butter cheese crackers Dog Heaven from texts the departed dogs have been sending. "We really have no fear of crossing over now," said every dog still living. "We've even cut out those peanut butter cheese crackers for now. It'll make it that much more awesome when we get up there."