Thursday, January 27, 2011

Top Ten Driveway Snow Removal Options

Holly's Top Ten Driveway Snow Removal Options

1. Just pick up the driveway and TILT. Duh.
2. Call your neighbor and see if you can borrow a cup of self-immolating monks. Place on driveway to melt snow.
3. Borrow a dog like ours who likes to eat snow. We just sent him outside a bit earlier than usual today.
4. Cover the driveway with a tarp before it starts snowing. After storm, simply move tarp.
5. Boil a LOT of water.
6. Hire a few neighborhood kids to shovel. When they're done, say, "Pay you to shovel WHAT snow on the driveway? I don't see any snow on the driveway."
7. Ship driveway to Florida. Allow snow to melt. Ship back.
8. Close your eyes and visualize a snow-free driveway. Open eyes every week to check progress.
9. Sell snow cones, 100 for a dollar. (Depending on size of driveway, may require 14,000 cones.)
10. Shovel for hours, or use a snow blower. By the time you get out of the hospital or the blower gets out of the shop, it'll be spring.