Santorum Reminds Florida's Latin American Voters 'My Own Name Is Latin!'

Number 9 Wins Coveted Highest Single Digit Award, 'Would Like To Thank Math'

Touch Screen Alleges It's Being Touched Inappropriately

An electronic touch screen, of an undisclosed device, has come forth with some pretty serious allegations against its user. "Instead of just hitting a link or icon for a second until it loads, he's always doing more of a suggestive stroke or caress. Get a freaking girlfriend."

Obama Mad Not Told Of 'States' Of Union Option Where You Just Name All Fifty States And You're Done

From Our 'One Syllable Away From Great News' Section:

Judge Says Obama Must Appear In Birthday Suit

Judge Says Obama Must Appear In Birther Suit

http://news.yahoo.com/judge-says-obama-must-appear-birther-suit-020453359.html

Damn Itch On Leg Won't Stay Scratched

Said the leg's owner, "Since the minute it hatched, my itch won't stay scratched. It twitches and twitches, just under my britches. It must be the work of a spell cast by witches." Sources believe the man may have bigger problems than dry skin.

Gingrich May Pull Out After Learning Michelle Obama Doesn't Come With White House